Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
