Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
