So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
