Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
