you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize