Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
