left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
