you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
