Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What a dumb baby whore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
