Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'