I chose taco bell over sex...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.