just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.