i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.