Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful