i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.