so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
