its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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