I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
