so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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