you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize