Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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