your parents love me but you hate me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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