I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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