I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
