im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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