Whod you bang
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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