Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?