help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was