her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?