If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
