no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
