Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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