if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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