I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
