booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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