Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
