So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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