Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
