I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
