see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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