dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
