So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
handjob tips. give me some.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
