Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
