Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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