Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
