I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
