Just cropdusted the office
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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