you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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