Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
