apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
