i just had sex bonerless
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
