nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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