Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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