im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
