My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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