it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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