After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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