I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
