why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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