kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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