dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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