yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
