I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my shit smells like andre
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
