your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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