They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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