I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
