You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
