Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
