I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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